Today is the 8th anniversary of my mothers passing away. That day and the signs of death are still so vivid in my memory and probably always will be. It’s funny how things happen sometimes when we think about it but I know everything happens the way it’s supposed to. I wasn’t supposed to be with her when she took her last breath, I told God I couldn’t handle it. I arrived to her hospital room about five minutes after. That gave the nurses that were with her and that had helped care for her over the 10 months she was in and out of the hospital time to start mourning.
Thank God and my mother for the strength that was given to me that day and the immediate days after. I was able to fall apart and truly realize that I had lost my mother and best friend in the months that followed. She was for a long time the first thought in my head when I woke and the last thought before slumber. While it’s easier now, the pain will always be there and some days it seems just like yesterday that I was speeding through the streets to get to the hospital and running down the hospital hall to get to her on December 14th, 2002.
When I really think back I realize what a strong woman I had as a mother. I never remember seeing her cry even during very stressful and dramatic times. She was full of life and laughter even during adverse times. She was selfless even during my selfishness. She sacrificed more for me than I will ever know. I miss those days of shopping together, lunches out during the week, invitations to dinner at her house after I had moved out, her love for Christmas and Halloween, the compassion and heart that she had for the children she took care of for her job. I miss her calling me everyday at the same time even though it made me mad at the time because I was trying to watch The View. Maybe I took it all for granted.
As crazy as it may sound sometimes I think she gave up her life so that I could have a life. I am forever grateful for my memories and everything that my mother taught me, with words or without. May you continue to Rest In Peace. Forever in my heart ~ E.P.T. 12.14.1955 – 12.14.2002